Appreciate my Unsolicited Advice

I insist that it is impartial, genuine and curated for the precise individual reading this mass email. Truly, I do intend to act on my own recommendations.

In jest, this is a brief update on our family with a bonus list of items that are currently working for me.

Before Ann and Christy arrive next week, we plan to clean the bathrooms, wash the windows and pull out some air mattresses. (Only the necessities.)

Dan and I complete our riding lessons this week, Mary has a track meet and Abe is in an entrepreneurship fair- he'll be baking 40 loaves of bread to sell to second graders.

Next week, I start a 17 week course at Harvard, (that's pronounced with a round 'a' as in "haw-vawd"). Sounds prestigious, but it's simply an online course that will demand 10 hours per week of my leisure time.

I do have some book recommendations for those who have more time than myself:

The Diamond Cutter

Breaking Down Patriarchy (Podcast)

The Armchair Expert (Podcast)

The Lessons of History by Will Durant

Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown

I would like to point out that the Six-times Journal, from the Diamond Cutter has been extremely transformative the last month as I've been working on some behavioural tendencies. I feel so thankful for the incremental progress I see in my children. I'm still working on a major overhaul myself.

Another helpful routine is sleep. Apparently 4-5 hours is not enough to maintain adequate brain power for the remainder of the day, but a sweet 7 hours is proving sufficient.

In short, get some sleep, take your vitamins and read a good book.

Quiet Mornings

 I woke up as a child tiptoed up the stairs. Followed by another child and a whispered conversation that went like this: “Moses, you’ve got a stuffy, right? Because they’re going to come to life!”

I listened for a moment as Scout brought to life a wonderful game of imagination and play and then fell back to sleep. 

It was lovely, I don’t remember ever having Sundays as relaxing as they are now. 

Dan asked a question this week, “What would you do differently in this pandemic, knowing what you know now?” 

I immediately thought, “I’d have slept more!” And three days later, my answer is the same, but maybe a little more thoughtful. I’d have taken more time to be still. I don’t know how I would have made that happen, it seems like time has filled with good things, and I don’t think I could choose what I’d have omitted... but do you know something that I’d really like to get good at? Writing. I’ve never said that aloud before. But that’s a skill I want to spend time acquiring. It’s something I never take time for either. It would require a deliberate effort to sit and set everything else aside to think and write and re-write and research... and that seems like the hardest part, just getting started. 

I think it might come more naturally though if I made time for stillness. There is a quote that I have a lot of faith in, “Reading maketh a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man...” (Francis Bacon) It gives me hope that the effort and exercise will help refine me. 

I recently read a book that precisely put some of my feelings into words: 

“Latter-day Saints are great at getting things done. But for some, an over-emphasis on “doing” can cause us to go through the motions and miss the deep, rich spiritual power that can come from being still.” (The Power of Stillness)

I don’t want to miss tapping into that power! I’ll add that the Lord himself give the integral instruction “Be still, and know that I am God.” Note that “be still” came before the confirmation of Omnipotentence.

So here’s to being still. A little more frequently, have to start somewhere.

*I'm so thankful the children are friends, Scout is the best teacher Moses will ever have and because of her, he is our most prepared child entering Kindergarten. He can now recognize all the the alphabet and count higher than 100.

Words on my mind:

Loneliness. After months of visiting through glass walls and windows at her retirement facility, my grandmother moved into my parent’s home. She is a bright eyed and brilliant woman who has lived through so much during her 91 years. This past year alone, she has experienced so much grief. Not only did Covid separate us from her but her husband passed away just as this pandemic began to put up so many barriers. She has moved through all the stages of grief and into widowhood effectively on her own. This moment was the first we’d talked face to face in so very long.

Hope. I am inspired by her resilience and frank resolve to wait for the good. Despite the constrained visits, she constantly looked forward to better times.

Desire. This transition brings about a lot of feelings. I am reminded that each has a desire to be loved and to be with family. Like many in advanced years, she needs daily physical help. Grandma’s strongest desire was to be with family despite all the risks involved with moving home. We feel so lucky that vaccinations finally came and have been administered. Separation is painful and inevitable but hopefully just temporal.

Sacrifice. Sacrifice is the act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important. It is easy to see the sacrifice Grandma has made the last few months. I also recognize the sacrifice my parents have made as they’ve taken on the role of caregivers for Grandma. I know this is both a privilege and a burden... and the greatest act of love.

Love. Sometimes her mind isn’t as clear as it used to be, I count this as a blessing. It may have helped pass the time among strangers or while she waited for family to visit. Sometimes she doesn’t know who I am or confuses me with my mom, but her feelings for family are never misconstrued. Grandma is full of love and you can feel it.

Joy. That’s all that’s left. It’s contagious.

Welcome home, Grandma!

Frebruary

Yes, you read that correctly. It’s Frebrurary, as Moses calls it. Does it seem like January flew by? That puts us so much closer to Jeremiah’s deployment, Spencer’s training, summer break at Ann’s and Christy’s workshop renovation. It also means we are so much closer to vaccinations and summer gardening and Mom returning to school. It’s hard not to be looking forward to the future and remaining present and in the moment. There is still so much good going on right now, I really don’t want to miss it.

Dad can probably relate to this thought as circumstances brought him right back to the daily grind and the reminder that you can only focus on the here and now, despite looking forward. I know it was a really hard week for dad with news about Grandma Dawn and having his best friend in ICU for several days. And yet, Dad called to check up on us and watched Moses while I ran errands and then planned a sleepover and movie night for the Elders, all while making plans to move Grandma Dawn home next week.

I am so inspired by our family and the resilience of our parents. Guys, I felt so thankful for them as dad as he prayed over lunch on Thursday, and he mentioned the things he was hoping for. I know mom and dad pray for and think of us often. I feel their support and love in my life daily. ♥️  Abe was right when he said he was thankful that we get to come to Wolfcreek on Sundays and to spend so much time with family. 

On with Februrary, I’m taking the GRE tomorrow morning, its the week to write letters and Valentines and we hope to finish our floors.

Dream big. Work hard. Be kind. Pray for charity.

I can't wrap my head around an organized letter.

I actually thought that a phone call would be a good catch up for this week as I just had a jumble of thoughts. It really has been a whirlwind but so many good things have happened.

Scout is 7! Her favorite gift was the locket with photos of her grandparents and the doll from Aunt Abby. We went skiing in the morning, made cakes with grandma Doreen at a bakery and then had dinner on the mountain.

We finished installing the office doors, thank you MOM and DAD! They are at least 60 years old, pulled out of an old school in Maine. The transformation in the library is amazing, so cozy, warm and quiet.

I was driving when President Biden was getting sworn in, but I felt the spirit so strongly as he took the oath. I am so thankful for the peaceful transfer, I felt so strongly that what was taking place was how it was supposed to happen. That we are so blessed to benefit from the constitution, the right to vote and to live in a democratic society. 

Best thing I ate this week: Browned Butter Frosted Banana cake. We had the banana cake at Abby's for her birthday and then I made it again for dinner at grandma and grandpa's (but I actually forgot to pack it down the mountain and had to make ANOTHER fresh cake for dinner.) So we've had the same cake 3 times in a week. Guys, it's totally worth it. 

I am applying to Master's programs for this fall. Yesterday, I was accepted to Georgetown's online Master's program (ASU and Northeastern last week). Still waiting to hear back from 3 other schools before deciding if or which, but I'm thrilled. (I have an interview with Johns Hopkins next week, and if I want to get into Harvard I have to take 3 courses within my program and maintain a 3.5. Kind of like a tryout.) I feel a strong desire to be intentional about the time I will have next fall. It is such a gift to choose and prepare how to spend it. I don't know that I will actually start graduate school. I love the idea of it... but it would be a huge commitment. I am inspired by friends and family who have decided to pursue life long learning. I love to think that it would push me to become better and to strengthen me where I feel weak. I hope that it would also provide opportunities to learn more about how to learn, how to study, and how to connect with peers. Dan is supportive of either, but he thinks that being accepted is validation enough. Not so in my opinion, I think I had a lot of support from friends and mentors in providing referrals and the opportunity to get involved with refugees and other needy populations around the world. Without that, I doubt I would have seriously considered additional formal education.

Moses and Ollie had a great time at lunch today. Has Abby told you how they are the best of friends? They really NEVER fight or even disagree. Despite their friendship, when Dan told Ollie it was time to go home, Ollie said: "This is the best. day. ever!" And repeated it as they drove up to Mark and Abby's house. Can't blame him, I love Abby's house too.

We have decided to head up to the ranch for the summer, we'll be back to see family before we go. Probably several times. Dan is hopeful to go sooner than later, but we need to get the children re-enrolled in school at SAS before we decide if they will finish the last of this year online.

Maeser finished Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (book #2). Moving on to book three.

Dan got a confirmation from the arena and we will be starting horseback riding next week. (Tues/ Thurs mornings. 

Dan and I checked out some trailers to park at the ranch... not sure I'm a fan of having everyone in a space smaller than our NY apartment. (250 square feet.) He and Sam are enamored with the Airstreams... too bad we can't rent one for two months and then maybe he'll change his mind about the space issues. Who knows, it will probably be the biggest and best slumber party or kids have ever had. (I don't think we're serious about getting one, but Dan will probably be excited about it for a day or two.) 

*on the same train of thought... did you know we've never even been camping with our children with all of us in the same tent? It would be a rude awakening.

Mary was asked to serve as the YW Class President for the 15-18 year old girls. She has talked about it for a week now and she is so nervous. Only two girls moved up from the younger class, she being one of them. And she just turned 14 in December, so she is by far the youngest. As parents, we are thrilled. I don't know a more thoughtful and perceptive girl when it comes to making friends. She has had to make new friends constantly over the last 12 years and she is kind and inviting.

Mary and Maeser were evaluated for speech therapy. I was hopeful that the therapist would be able to schedule follow up sessions thru April or May, but he doesn't have any times that match with their schedule. (Only has availability during school hours.)

That's it. We still love having Hannah come over twice a week. Abe finished the Count of Monte Cristo and we're watching it for movie night.

Birthdays and Braces

 Happenings:

Abe came home from school Friday clearly upset that he was ousted in the first round from the class spelling bee. He was given the word "Scandinavian" and he spelled it with a "k". Not bad, but he was so disappointed. I had no idea he had an interest in vocabulary/spelling, but maybe it's more of a competitive streak than I knew he had. He's a brilliant kid and proud of the ease in which he understands principles.

I visited both my grandmother and a friend this week. Both don't get out much or ever under the current circumstances. Both would benefit from talking to friends or family more... I can only imagine how lonely this time is for them. Sometimes I'm dying to get a few minutes to myself, it means getting up hours before my children do, but it's worth it. I did get 3 days away with Dan while we checked out some projects at the Ranch. It was so fun to be there but without normal bedtime routines and children to get up with, I was in bed by 6:30 and slept for a blessed 13 hours. 

The children and I skied on Friday afternoon, we are all progressing. Some are getting faster than they should while others are slow and steady with many wide turns. Moses has such a hard time going slow, not that he can't, but he loves speed. I could not keep up with the little man and on our last run to the bottom a service road crossed the slope... with only light snow cover.  As soon as Lamond's skis hit the rocks he completely bowled over. Unfortunately, I was still halfway up the mountain when another, more apt, skier approached Lamond. I could see the skier looking around for the supposedly responsible adult who should have been accompanying their child. That combined with the previous entanglement with Moses as we alighted the lift and the emotional breakdown that ensued after yet another run meant that we didn't ski today. 

Maser has a complete set of new braces, a lisp and an eternal headache. Every night for the next 3 weeks we turn the crank to expand his bridge. Such a tough kid.

Dan had an uneventful birthday, celebrating 42 is a bigger deal for the children than for the adults. I count myself lucky to have had his influence in my life for 20 years. It's more than luck, it's the greatest blessing in my life.

I'm feeling very thankful for our current circumstances. For the opportunities we can pursue. For the comforts in our home and the support of our family.

Wisdom Comes with Age (and a brief update)

 Or is that just hindsight? The older I get, the more I realize I need me time. Not the retail kind or a day at the spa, but a consistent time everyday to gather my thoughts and study and be intentional about my faith. I know faith isn't always intentional, it is natural for some people. But I constantly have to remind myself that I am choosing to have faith, to believe that there is a better way to be and exist than what I currently know, and that the process is worth the effort. I began making a list of expressions of faith... it has helped to make it an integral part of my day. To begin with, faith in somethings is easier for me than others... I can wait for understanding of all things (that takes faith, right?). But it simply comes down to having faith in Christ. This I do have and hope it is expressed in the way I live and treat others. This week in my studying, I've broken it down into laws and principles.

• Laws- the word of God, or His revealed word (google: rules that regulate actions lead to consequences)
• Principles- a general truth, serves as a foundation for a system of belief/behavior/chain of reasoning

I think we receive guidance in both areas, the first is more easily understood while acting on principles often manifests itself in degrees and is harder to to remain consistent. For example, the laws of the fast/tithes/miracles have been revealed through the scriptures and our role is to understand and live the laws. As for gospel principles, we are invited to live in a manner that the principles become a guide to all our thoughts and actions, but I understand them to be more variable: faith, repentance, prayer, forgiveness, charity, obedience, mercy, good works, charity... It is harder to say that you are or are not living by the principles of the gospel. (clarification, some of those principles are also commandments, but more variable)

No matter what God we believe in or religion we belong to, every person on this earth has principles. And when we abide by those principles we find self fulfilment or contentment with our progression. I think unity is found when these principles overlap. Sister Eubank, in speaking of unity asked "How can I understand people around me better? How will I create that "union of feeling" when all are so different?" I know the intentional act of building bridges by understanding another's core principles will result in unity.

I need to study this more... 

Want to know what other guiding forces are set in our family life? Braces. We found out Maeser needs braces top and bottom, they get installed on January 4th. Lucky boy. For reals though, what a blessing to have something that will guide his general dental health and have a lifelong impact. Not so different from guiding principles we are intentional about.

In passing, it's worth mentioning the highlight of Moses's week: the automatic car wash. We drove through one yesterday and Moses wanted us to re-enter and go again. And when he retold the experience to Dan it was all sounds effects as he mimicked the wash on his own face. So expressive! (using his hands to swirl about and mimicking the dryers by swiping back and forth across his cheeks.) Now to get the dog washed... too bad there isn't an automatic option there too.

Love, Amy

On the first day of Christmas...

 my true love took the kids night skiing. Thankfully, because I've decided skiing with two tinies is impossible to do solo. (My attempts failed. Twice.)

Also, I really thought I bruised my shins, but Fenton told me I'm just wearing my boots too tight and that you shouldn't fasten them up until you've walked across the parking lot, up the hill and are standing in line at the lift. Genius.

On top of that, our new to skiing progenies are all cray cray. Each is interested in racing without knowing how to stop quickly or turn frequently. Moses crashed so hard this evening that he lost both skis and rolled twice before stopping. Kids are rubberized, right?

Not to make this just about skiing, we are so thankful to be here. Every. Single. Day. I think, "Wow, we never do this!" or "We could never do this at home." or "I'm freezing!" (also a novelty.. we should be acclimatized, but still struggling here).

Mary's last day of school is tomorrow, the remaining school children finish on Friday. So many "plans" have been made for the break. What the children don't know is that we're not big fans of most of their plans. Hoping to persuade them to sleep in, read or ski. Plans that won't make the cut: Harry Potter Movie Marathon, All-Nighters, sleeping in igloos and ice skating. 

We had a lot of fun hanging out with mom and dad this week. They came up to help with a Christmas project and then hosted a Christmas party on Thursday night. Moses unfortunately thought that a visit from Santa meant that it was Christmas Eve and was so confused when we got home. It was so sweet when Santa asked him, "What's on your list this year?" and Moses responded, "I don't have a list." But by the time Santa was ready to leave, Moses understood much better and let him know he would really like to have a car set for Christmas.

I'm looking for a book recommendation for the holidays, please let me know what you've recently read!

Love you,

Amy

Let's Resume

I kind of miss these weekly posts.

We live in a cold place. With snow. We live 5 minutes from a ski resort and we are planning to make the most of it. This winter I've given up running on the treadmill and picked up a pair of skis. For now, I spend my time on the tow rope with Moses, but eventually we'll be on the slopes. The bus stop is in the Sundance parking lot, the bus driver is so cool he lets the kids keep their skis on the back of the bus all day and then most of the mountain kids ski for a couple hours after school everyday just wearing their backpacks. It's perfect, every other day the resort closes at 4:30, I can pick the boys up from the resort and make it home for dinner by 5. (This has successfully been tested once, I hope it's a trend.)

Mary turns 14 today. Mind blowing. How did she (we) get that old?!

She is beautiful, helpful, talented, dedicated, self motivated and kind. The best birthday present came when the Jr. High called yesterday to say she needed to serve a quarantine, due to exposure to covid-19 twelve days ago. She lucked out and gets to stay home from school for 3 days, I'm thankful she didn't have to miss school for two weeks. Our neighbor has had to stay home for three 2-week quarantines this fall... we feel really lucky with this short stint. For her birthday we are skiing, twice. This morning for a couple hours and then this afternoon when the bus drops off Abe and Maeser.

Moses had his first ski lesson too, we are insistent that this is a family effort and that everyone will get time on the mountain. So far so good and we are riding this wave of enthusiasm for a new sport.

Dan is back from Florida, a bit sore, with post-race weight gain (muscles swell as they repair after expenditure) of 7 pounds. Crazy that our bodies know how to process growth and repair instinctively.

Feeling thankful for the current circumstances, for the opportunity to be in the USA and to have so much time with mom and dad and grandma and grandpa.

June in the Summertime

Scout spends the better part of each day bug pet hunting- she has several jars full of caterpillars, spiders and earwigs. Yesterday, she tried to coax a mouse out of the garden bed...

Our deck removal project is stretching into eternity as we hit a delay, getting the HOA approval is an extra step we didn't plan on.  I'm really hoping we wrap the project up in time to use the space this summer.

And cousins... so many cousins this week. We had an average of 11 children in the house until Dan and Mark took the children camping. At which point I headed to mom's house so she could watch Scout and Moses while I tried to hit some deadlines. We visited Grandma Dawn which necessitated her babysitting 7 children while I earnestly hunted down a bathroom for Lydia) and had a moose in the front yard, blew a tire and almost lost the spare wheel, lots of excitement.

Dinner at the Merkley's

Now that we're officially out of quarantine, life has picked up.

Mary was counting the days until she could see Zoe. She was the first in the car to drive up and the first one in the door. I felt thankful for Zoe. (Cousins are the best.) And as usual the food was so good. I love being in Abby's home- they are the perfect hosts and my children were so busy with cousins and pets that I hardly saw them on Sunday. Apparently the Merkely's have a reputation for good food and good company and they have to disinvite family/friends all the time. 

Maeser accidentally hit Julianna's cat with a stick and cried so hard because Sydney got in trouble for it, Maes gave me hope for this world actually, though he was sorrowful, his tears were beautiful as he really felt bad for both the cat and Sydney. Mark spent some time with Maeser reassuring him that everything was ok, I felt thankful for Mark.

After dinner, Abby carefully helped Hannah make some firm decisions about the wedding and handed out assignments for the next few days. She is so organised AND creative. The wedding will be beautiful. I felt so thankful for Abby who was prepared to help even after being sick and so busy with school.

Hannah stopped by this evening just to say hello. Dallin and Fenton were also with her, but she stopped by to ask if she could take the girls hiking tomorrow or help with Julie this weekend. I felt thankful for Hannah. She is beautiful and kind and thoughtful and the older girls love her. This is the second time this week she has popped in to see if someone wanted to walk or hike with her.

Speaking of Dallin and Fenton, the two of them are such peacemakers. With Fenton's abrupt but funny conversation changers to Dallin's humour and helpfulness, they are always appreciated and welcome. After 2 months of quarantine with Dallin, Moses and Scout think his visits are for playing legos and reading books. Dallin has continued to show up for FHE and offered to teach Come Follow Me even here in Sundance. So definitely feeling thankful for Dallin.

I hope it warms up in Utah before Stewart and Bonita get back (see photos of our freezing children). Sleet, a little snow and under 35 degrees is almost painful.

Isolation: Singapore to Provo

As if 2020 didn't need any more highlights- here's our week in moments because we seem to move from one event to another.

Today we finish our quarantine and grandma and grandpa Skousen are coming up for dinner. Mom decided that yesterday was long enough and she came up with Dad to help us strip our deck. After 8 hours of work, it looks beautiful. There are still hours left to go.

It's a cold rainy day today. The children are all happily cold and wishing it was cold enough for snow.

More moments:

Last Saturday morning we watched Space X launch a rocket with American astronauts and began stripping the paint from the deck.

Provo bakery delivered fresh apple fritters to mom and dad's and they drove them up with a few tools from dad's garage. It's supper handy knowing someone with tools and the knowledge to use them.

I finished reading the book Persuasion.

Abe and Mary finished school on Tuesday and we are officially on summer break.

We took the first of many hikes this summer. Despite his complaints, Moses walked the whole way. As we crested hills, "Yay, it's not uphill." Then was completely exasperated as the downhill rolled back into an uphill.

We shared a few excerpts of protests and riots from across the country with the older children- which led to many conversations about ignorance, privilege, and change. We are determined to learn and be better informed.

It's great up here and smells so good.