Quiet Mornings

 I woke up as a child tiptoed up the stairs. Followed by another child and a whispered conversation that went like this: “Moses, you’ve got a stuffy, right? Because they’re going to come to life!”

I listened for a moment as Scout brought to life a wonderful game of imagination and play and then fell back to sleep. 

It was lovely, I don’t remember ever having Sundays as relaxing as they are now. 

Dan asked a question this week, “What would you do differently in this pandemic, knowing what you know now?” 

I immediately thought, “I’d have slept more!” And three days later, my answer is the same, but maybe a little more thoughtful. I’d have taken more time to be still. I don’t know how I would have made that happen, it seems like time has filled with good things, and I don’t think I could choose what I’d have omitted... but do you know something that I’d really like to get good at? Writing. I’ve never said that aloud before. But that’s a skill I want to spend time acquiring. It’s something I never take time for either. It would require a deliberate effort to sit and set everything else aside to think and write and re-write and research... and that seems like the hardest part, just getting started. 

I think it might come more naturally though if I made time for stillness. There is a quote that I have a lot of faith in, “Reading maketh a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man...” (Francis Bacon) It gives me hope that the effort and exercise will help refine me. 

I recently read a book that precisely put some of my feelings into words: 

“Latter-day Saints are great at getting things done. But for some, an over-emphasis on “doing” can cause us to go through the motions and miss the deep, rich spiritual power that can come from being still.” (The Power of Stillness)

I don’t want to miss tapping into that power! I’ll add that the Lord himself give the integral instruction “Be still, and know that I am God.” Note that “be still” came before the confirmation of Omnipotentence.

So here’s to being still. A little more frequently, have to start somewhere.

*I'm so thankful the children are friends, Scout is the best teacher Moses will ever have and because of her, he is our most prepared child entering Kindergarten. He can now recognize all the the alphabet and count higher than 100.

Words on my mind:

Loneliness. After months of visiting through glass walls and windows at her retirement facility, my grandmother moved into my parent’s home. She is a bright eyed and brilliant woman who has lived through so much during her 91 years. This past year alone, she has experienced so much grief. Not only did Covid separate us from her but her husband passed away just as this pandemic began to put up so many barriers. She has moved through all the stages of grief and into widowhood effectively on her own. This moment was the first we’d talked face to face in so very long.

Hope. I am inspired by her resilience and frank resolve to wait for the good. Despite the constrained visits, she constantly looked forward to better times.

Desire. This transition brings about a lot of feelings. I am reminded that each has a desire to be loved and to be with family. Like many in advanced years, she needs daily physical help. Grandma’s strongest desire was to be with family despite all the risks involved with moving home. We feel so lucky that vaccinations finally came and have been administered. Separation is painful and inevitable but hopefully just temporal.

Sacrifice. Sacrifice is the act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important. It is easy to see the sacrifice Grandma has made the last few months. I also recognize the sacrifice my parents have made as they’ve taken on the role of caregivers for Grandma. I know this is both a privilege and a burden... and the greatest act of love.

Love. Sometimes her mind isn’t as clear as it used to be, I count this as a blessing. It may have helped pass the time among strangers or while she waited for family to visit. Sometimes she doesn’t know who I am or confuses me with my mom, but her feelings for family are never misconstrued. Grandma is full of love and you can feel it.

Joy. That’s all that’s left. It’s contagious.

Welcome home, Grandma!

Frebruary

Yes, you read that correctly. It’s Frebrurary, as Moses calls it. Does it seem like January flew by? That puts us so much closer to Jeremiah’s deployment, Spencer’s training, summer break at Ann’s and Christy’s workshop renovation. It also means we are so much closer to vaccinations and summer gardening and Mom returning to school. It’s hard not to be looking forward to the future and remaining present and in the moment. There is still so much good going on right now, I really don’t want to miss it.

Dad can probably relate to this thought as circumstances brought him right back to the daily grind and the reminder that you can only focus on the here and now, despite looking forward. I know it was a really hard week for dad with news about Grandma Dawn and having his best friend in ICU for several days. And yet, Dad called to check up on us and watched Moses while I ran errands and then planned a sleepover and movie night for the Elders, all while making plans to move Grandma Dawn home next week.

I am so inspired by our family and the resilience of our parents. Guys, I felt so thankful for them as dad as he prayed over lunch on Thursday, and he mentioned the things he was hoping for. I know mom and dad pray for and think of us often. I feel their support and love in my life daily. ♥️  Abe was right when he said he was thankful that we get to come to Wolfcreek on Sundays and to spend so much time with family. 

On with Februrary, I’m taking the GRE tomorrow morning, its the week to write letters and Valentines and we hope to finish our floors.

Dream big. Work hard. Be kind. Pray for charity.