As you know, I am a mother to five children. A significant portion of my time is spent taking the sticky backs off bandaids and air kissing injuries.
During the children’s play, it’s not uncommon to hear someone cry as if an arm or leg has been detached. Their pain is real and the anguish is loud. But the moment I kiss the injured limb all is forgotten. Whether the injuries are self-inflicted, or otherwise, the smallest children are quick to seek help and comfort.
If it is an “otherwise” moment, I have often received the injured child with a second child trailing behind, yelling, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
Pain can be more than physical and experienced through misery or guilt. In our home, Dan and I are responsible for clearly teaching the difference between right and wrong. We’ve even been seen as the source of discomfort as we let our children experience the consequences of their actions.
Just like children, we will find ourselves seeking comfort.
As my children have shown me, small children are quick to seek comfort and ask for help. Sometimes a hug or kiss can make everything better. Other times all the child needs is for someone to acknowledge their feelings.
Why aren’t we as quick to seek comfort and ask for help when we feel like we have lost control of a situation or find pain too hard to bear?
I learned this 10 years ago, when I was pregnant with our first son. Dan offered to help his brother Derrick move, and would be gone 3 days. Our baby wasn’t due for weeks, I felt no reason to ask Dan to stay and he left. As the day progressed, so did the baby. I was certain I didn’t need the help of a doctor or need to go to the hospital. Many women are afraid to go to the hospital during early labor, it can be emotionally hard to arrive and find you are still hours or days away from birth. I began to feel the same.
That night, as I was feeding Mary, my mother stopped by and found me unable to walk between the stove and kitchen table. With wisdom and experience, she recognized my pain, she knew how to help me. She picked up my small daughter, helped me to the car and drove me to the hospital.
Sometimes we might find ourselves in the same situation. Avoiding the physician who can offer relief and help. Aren’t we all sick? Christ taught, “They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick…” (Mark 2:17)
Alma taught that Christ would “suffer pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind.” Why? “That his bowels may be filled with mercy, … that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” Like my mother, Christ recognizes our pain. He knows what kind of healing is necessary. Sometimes, like children, we are quick to find Him and other times we are not.
Second, comfort comes through repentance.
Are you familiar with the term, Pyrrhic Victory? Victory by itself is grand, and worth pursuing. The term “Pyrrhic Victory” comes from a battle between King Pyrrhus and the Romans in 280 BC. King Pyrrhus won the battle against the Romans but his army was so depleted that he said, “If we are victorious in one more battle with the Romans, we shall be utterly ruined.” The battle took such a heavy toll, its victory negated any true sense of achievement. A wise general would realize that winning the battle at such a high cost would mean losing the war. And in those days, losing the war meant that your entire population was either killed or enslaved.
Perhaps there is a lesson here for us as well. What price do we pay for a “pyrrhic victory”?
If we are slow to repent, we ultimately lose. We are distancing ourselves from Christ, we are inflicting our own misery. We are enslaving ourselves to the hatred and pain that comes by letting our pride be victorious. Unlike small children, we might be hesitant to say sorry or repent, we might feel shame in admitting our mistakes. We have to change that mindset, recognizing right and wrong and forsake that which gave us a “Pyrrhic Victory”. Of repentance, President Nelson taught: “True repentance is not an event. It is a never-ending privilege. It is fundamental to progression and having peace of mind, comfort, and joy.”
Agency means God, even as a loving father, cannot remove the consequences to our actions when they cause us pain or even harm. Even to the extent that we don’t progress and separate ourselves from Him eternally.
Last, Pain can be more than physical and experienced through misery or guilt.
Our mortality begins in an imperfect world and from birth our bodies begin to age, inevitably advancing towards physical death. Unlike a 1st class ticket, our comfort is not a priority. We will experience discomfort in many forms: physical, emotional, anger, sadness, shame, depression, ignorance and even loneliness.
There is also pain when we sin, misery and guilt are tortuous.
An example of this very principle can be found in the Book of Mormon.
Alma understood the responsibility to teach his son correct principles, and despite that, Alma the Younger rebelled and openly tried to destroy the church and his Father's work. When his son was brought home after the angel's visit, Alma was joyful! He had been praying for his son to experience a change of heart and repent. You might say, he prayed for his son’s miserable encounter. For 3 days, Alma continued to pray while his son was unconscious. His son later wrote of this time, “I was tormented” by my actions and suffered greatly until finally repenting.
As parent, teacher or friend, it is difficult to see another in turmoil or discomfort, and we may try to shorten or remove the hard circumstances. But speaking of his own hard circumstances, Elder Christofferson said, “Though I suffered, as I look back now, I am grateful that there was not a quick solution... The fact that I was forced to turn to God for help… taught me… how to pray and get answers to prayer and taught me in a very practical way to have faith in God. I came to know my Savior…”
There are many times we would ask God to remove our difficulties (or consequences) but that would deprive us of drawing closer to Him. When Alma the younger woke, his father was there to comfort and rejoice with his son. I so want for my children what Elder Christofferson experienced.
Closing and testimony.
God is our Father and is teaching us as His children. Putting us in a real world with real consequences. As my mother drove, I texted Daniel to let him know I was on the way to the hospital and that his 1st son might be coming that night. Dan, with foresight, had purchased a one-way ticket from the only major airport between the two states that morning before leaving. As he was carefully calculating the driving time and flight departure, I remember thinking his purchase was foolish. It wasn’t, it was miraculous. There are tender mercies that come from seeking out the Savior and drawing near unto Him, for He “will draw near unto you.”
I am a daughter of God. Understanding this simple truth makes me just like one of my small children. When I am hurt, offended, discouraged, have made a poor choice or am just striving to be incrementally better… I understand that God has a vested interested in my well being. That Christ is there to comfort me, bandage wounds or even just air kiss my grievances as I learn to navigate life’s experiences and draw closer to Him.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
