An over due update.

Despite having occasional conversations with family, I feel like I haven't kept up to date the last few weeks. Some of the time consuming events have included:

• Women's Conference Work and then the cancelation of Women's Conference in Taiwan
• This flu-like virus that is stretching from China with tentacles reaching as far as Bangkok and Doha to interrupt schedules and events, Dan had some training meetings in Korea- cancelled, Bangkok- cancelled, and Oman- also cancelled
• A forthcoming race for Dan. His training schedule has been undeterred and he leaves on Tuesday for a race in Muscat, hopefully to remain as scheduled next weekend. I am no longer traveling as support crew because the most prudent course of action would be to keep at least one parent in the country at all times with the children.
• Maeser turning 8 AND having a long awaited birthday party. (If you are unaware of our birthday party policy, they only happen every 4 years.)
• Maeser getting baptised! Dan baptised him after church last Sunday and Mary and Abe were the witnesses. 
• Making summer plans, signing up for sports camps, calendaring family reunions, booking flights... the works.
• Taxes. Nuff said.
• Hosting YSA FHE nights and new to Singapore friends.
• Primary meetings and activities.
• Reading and some research. I know it is a luxury to have time to read, I'm thankful for it. 
• The Lord's Question
• Women and the Priesthood
• Jesus The Christ
• Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men (Reading as board for MIMB)
• The Coddling of the American Mind
• The Courage to be Disliked
• Skyward by Brandon Sanderson
• We Are Still Alive (research with Sage)
• Second Nephi

Sorry for the lists, I doubt that is why you are reading. I'm just glad I've made it this far in an attempt to record anything this week. I'll end with two (maybe three) thoughts from books I'm reading and a quote from Scout.

From Invisible Women, "... an other example of how much a diversity of experience at the top- matters to everyone." We can't all have the same experiences and expect to get the same results. 

Chapter 5 of Women and the Priesthood: "In The [Church], women are integral to Church leadership and governance. And because of the Church's lay leadership, actively participating members are all enrolled in what is essentially an ongoing leadership training program. A woman serving a a counsellor in a stake Young Women presidency may next be called to teach Sunday school or Primary or to work in the library. One of the reasons Latter-day Saints can mobilise so quickly in times of disaster is that we learn to lead, and we also learn to follow. Over time, we learn how to do whatever the Lord needs us to do." (emphasis added)

"It must be disturbing to see friends replaced with strangers, but all are welcome and all must be cherished." Seemed quite applicable to horizontal interpersonal relationships at the moment. Something I'm focusing on.

And last, in a serious conversation with Scout this week, "I can't be a mom. I don't know how to make breakfast." That just about wraps up my qualifications. 

Chinese New Year- Gong Xi Fa Cai

It's the year of the Rat! That sounds disgusting. I'm not familiar with all of the animals, there are 12 of them, but this year is the rat and you'll find rats as decorations all over the city. (Sometimes a Disneyfied kind- or one that looks like Jerry from Tom & Jerry, but other times a little too realistic to be cute.)

We had three days off of school and went hiking, park hoping, pseudo-camping (stayed until lights-out), some of us missed church because of colds, did some research, watched Disney + and played boardgames.

I'm working on several intense projects: ASIA Women's Conference, Research and the usual coordinating of events and emotions for the household, and I feel swamped. Add to that that Dan's back is a little stiff and I'm focusing on one day at a time.

Have you ever had insomnia? I'll raise my hand. I've never had a problem sleeping before, even when pregnant I'd just take half a Unisom and be fine, but the last two weeks have been crazy! Originally I thought it was a little anxiety about random things that keep me from falling asleep- kids this and that, doing better tomorrow than today, speaking assignments, traveling... the usual. But those never kept me up for more than an hour or two in the past. After consecutive nights, I realised, it might be something more, like a phase, and most people have had bouts of insomnia long before they were 37! I began to feel thankful that it was finally my turn and just a small thing, and somehow I'd learn to be empathetic of others who deal with this constantly. I'm happy to report I've had two really good nights of sleep and am back to my usual schedule. FYI: after three nights of tossing and turning until 2am, I decided the best approach is meditation and reading. And eventually you fall asleep and don't feel so anxious about not being productive or sleep deprived for the next day. 

(Actually, I am very aware of some of the things keeping me up, but didn't disclose them in the letter home. I am nervous about visiting the Congo, about Women's Conference, Maeser's Baptism and having "the talk" with him, about teaching my children correct principles before the rest of the world teaches them something else, about supporting the Primary President in our ward- I'm certain I am the worst counsellor she could ever have drummed up, wanted to do and be better and yet focusing on small incremental changes so that they last and that slowly buy habits are changing, my parenting hazings and skills, learning to control my emotions with teen (pre-teen)-agers, loving more than correcting, teaching more than disciplining. I can go on, an on, and if I'm awake at 1 am I'll give you a detail list of things that make my heart flutter and my blood rush.) I am doing better, I guess sometimes things pile up! I spent the last long night repeating in my head "Take no thought for the morrow, for the morrow will take care of it's self." And I've utilised teh sleepless nights with some reading and meditation. All in all, not bad, just sleep deprived.

We're almost through birthday season with Maeser's coming up in a week. Eek!  Eight. He wants a double decker cake, night swimming and a family movie. Easy Peasy.

I really appreciate family letters! As I was posting Bonita's last one, I realised she'd already written 130 times! Thats a lot of writing and a lot of time has passed. Only a handful of letters left on their mission. Christy and Ann also write often.

We've made plans to use Wolfcreek at the beginning of our summer break, thank you Bonita and Stewart!  We have plans to hike, swim, relax, get over jet-lag and bask in a glorious wilderness. (Something a city of 6 million people has a hard time offering.)

Slowing Down December

It was a beautiful Sunday. Quite a miracle because Sundays aren't usually the most joyful day of the week. I haven't pinpointed what was the most effective strategy today, but the underlying theme was simplifying. I think we've settled on a new Sunday dinner plan, and not having any company over was so nice.

I'm returning to this letter 5 days later as the final rush caught up to me. Today is the last day of school, I can't wait for the school break. I've caught a cold, a tropical cold is still the same as a winter cold. But I'm happy to be sick now and not over Christmas or when traveling to the Philippines.
Catching a cold has also slowed things down and Christmas cards aren't out yet, but I'm enjoying writing them.

Highlights:

Moses singing, "Four calling birds, three Fentons, 2 turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree!"

And Abe's prayer on the food this morning included "Thank you that Fenton came yesterday, please bless that he can come today or tomorrow."

Apparently we need more Fentons.

We found eggnog. Saving it for Christmas Eve.

Abe made 18 loaves of bread on Wednesday and is excited to take a couple weeks off.

Sick. Sore throats are the worst.

We went to the annual bubble snowfall for FHE on Monday night and rode the Christmas Carolling Bus downtown on Orchard Friday.

I went on Abe's school field trip to Little India, I haven't been on a school bus forever, but it was well worth the delicious food!

This is how you host party.

Our neighbours hosted an Ugly Sweater Christmas Party, we're using our sweater as a get-along-shirt in the future.

Sunday dinner, I still think this is the easiest meal yet. We're going for a second round this week.

Game nights.

Making Christmas treats for classroom parties. "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch."

The Nutcracker

The typhoon may have fizzled in Quezon City but our friends who went back to the Philippines for a wedding got caught in part of the storm and just got back. Their flights were cancelled then delayed, but the worst of the storm was flooding and I think most filipinos have a lot of experience with rain.

This friend who went back to the Philippines is a woman I minister too. It is partly because of her that I applied to take some classes in January. (One on Mental Illness and Recovery and another focusing on Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training.) I was accepted? Both courses are offered by the Singapore Social Service Institute, I had to apply to take both courses and then had an interview last week (because I'm not a registered professional). I just found out I was accepted into BOTH! It's really nothing big, but I'm excited anyway. When applying, I mentioned MIMB and working extensively with children and youth within church. I was surprised to see that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was actually listed as an organisation that SSI partnered with. I think the training will better equip me to evaluate program structures supported by MIMB, and I'll be better prepared to support members. I've had two women approach me this year who were struggling with self harm or contemplating suicide. I hope to better understand the impact and scope of appropriate strategies. In summary, I was accepted and the two classes are in January.

I've started keeping a list of stuff on why phone so when I sit to write I can REMEMBER what happened! 

Mary was Clara in the dance concert. Mary DID NOT attend all of the rehearsals as she was also in the play, but doubled up as soon as the play was over. Her amazing teacher knew she was a little behind and turned what could have been a demoralising event into something special. There really was NO way Mary could have caught up, and it was difficult for her classmates to be patient with her. Mary came home discouraged just last week, but she was certain she knew the dance. I know the teacher invited Mary to be a narrator/actor, dressed her in Clara's costume, and slightly altered Mary's dance part and it was beautiful. Mary felt confident and important. The hardest part for Mary was staying in synch with her peers, and as soon as she was dressed as Clara, the teacher gave her a few extra pirouettes and a separate entrance and all frustration was dissolved. I'm thankful for someone who looks for alternative solutions, who is creative and more interested in the individuals around her than perfecting a routine. 

Mary is a teenager. And such a lovely one at that. She is even tempered, patient, and overly accommodating at times... when we asked her what she wanted to do for her birthday, she said, "I think the kids would like to see Frozen 2." And dinner, "I think Abe wants to go to Wild Honey." 

We had a successful Ward Christmas Party and opened registration for ASIA Women’s Conference.

I went shopping in Malaysia with Julie, we decided to go to the Lulu Lemon store that Dallin had so desperately wanted to go to. Not worth the trip for the shopping alone, but it was fun to hang with Julie.

Abe is branching out and experimenting with quiche.

Last week was full of concerts, beyond Mary's dance concert, Maeser had a Gamelon concert and Scout had her Winter Celebration. She's perfected the hula and can't wait to show anyone and everyone.

Oh! And Maeser broke his toe playing tag in the dark. This fit so well into our scripture study last week: 1 John 2: 8-11. Thanks, Maeser.

That's a wrap! Making a list makes so much easier to write!

It's December.

In an effort to focus on the most important things this year, we started an advent calendar last night. Julie had a great idea to plan a family activity for every day of the month. So I copied her and made our own list. At breakfast we read the daily task. The month is full of things like game nights and service projects and reading Christmas stories- I conveniently scheduled things like "Have a Christmas Party" on the days with the Church party, or "Attend a Christmas Concert" on the night Mary is in the Nutcracker. More to come on this new favorite.

Also this week:

Moses turned 4.

We celebrated Thanksgiving.

Hosted Pie Night... it was out of control. Not sure how many people we can effectively host, but it's for sure less than ~60. (Julie was supposed to host, but their family was 50/50 with the flu and a last minute venue change brought it to our house.)

Decorated and demolished IKEA gingerbread houses. The ginger bread was surprisingly good.

Bought our tickets for next summer break. (Really early this year.)

And I just finished off the pumpkin and banana cream pies for breakfast.

Our week in photos.

Yesterday was Moses's birthday. There's never been a more excited boy who turned 4. He awoke and yelled "It's my BIRTHDAY!" while coming down the stairs. It makes me feel so middle-aged to think our baby is 4 years old! I remember when Dallin turned 4!

Oh, and Dan's back! He missed a whole bunch of the ordinary and a few exceptional things. The Prophet visited Singapore this week. We were sitting an overflow room on the same floor he was speaking on, so the children waited by the door to to get a peak as the Prophet walks past. I love that they wanted to be so near a prophet of God. We received such good counsel from President Nelson, Elder Christopherson, Elder Meurs and Elder Evans.

Abe is sitting as close to the window with a book with the hope that the Prophet or Elder Anderson will make rounds to the classrooms before going into the chapel.

We also watched the face-2-face event for the new Children and Youth Program. I am so thankful for a living prophet and for revelation! We constantly need to be recalibrating.

A photo of Moses and Ransom having picnic in the car because I can't go anywhere and keep them awake. So we pack picnics and just brave the mess when we get home. 

 The second of two teeth pulled before school!

Conversation with Moses while he eats his first candy cane of the season:

"Mom, candycanes taste like toothpaste."

"Do you like them?"

"No."

Abe and Maeser got caught in a rainstorm on the way home from school and were so soaked it was like they'd climbed out of the pool.

Thanksgiving is 2 days away, we're joining with some friends and Derrick and Julie... I love this holiday.

This girl just got an exemplary on her math test! Almost a perfect score! 

Carolling has begun.

Boycotting Bedtime

I'd say some days get the best of me, but reality is, most of them do! It is 10 pm. I usually read first thing in the morning, but I didn't get to my studies until ALL the kids were in bed tonight.  When I began studying my scriptures today (I began a new system a week ago where I down a question before reading) the question I wrote down turned out to be more of an observation. 

The first thing I wrote was "Finding the courage to try again."  Then, decided to write, "Dismissing discouragement and being resilient."  And then finally, "Am I weary?" 

And the voice in my head shouted, "Yes!"

For today, mostly physically tired. Oh how great it would be to sleep in and not be woken up by anyone or anything. (Especially toddlers who wet the bed or wake at 4:30.) But isn't that every mother's dream? The hard truth is that getting up each day and trying to be a little better than the day before can be exhausting, especially if you feel like your weaknesses creep back in the next day and the next.  I love the part of Elder Ballard's talk from conference when he shared what his evening prayers are like. How he uses the time to reflect on what went on that day and how he could do a little bit better tomorrow. I feel like that ALL. THE. TIME. and it's a balance between feeling the nudge to do better and feeling discouraged. Mary was a great example to me of this this week.

This week Mary had volleyball tryouts. She came home the first day full of excitement, she'd done the math and figured that 66% of the girls would make the team. Mary was certain she was better/taller than 33% of her peers. She came home the 2nd day with news that she'd been cut and her best friend had made the team. After a shower and a few tears she exclaimed, "Well, I'd better start practicing for basketball. I don't want to get cut twice."

This afternoon I overheard Mary and the same friend talking- Mary asked about the practices, what position her friend would be playing, if she was having a good time... and was genuinely interested in the experience Gwyn was having. A few minutes later, Gwyn mentioned that she had been invited to sit in on the devotional with President Nelson Wednesday evening. Again, Mary was fun of enthusiasm for her friend's opportunity and didn't show she was disappointed and missing out on an opportunity. I admire her resilience. Her joy in others and desire to be obedient is something I am so thankful for. 

Something that is hard for me is finding joy in all things. Many things that fill my time are done with a sense of duty, obligation or done with strict obedience (because obedience is love, right?). It sometimes makes me sad to think that our home isn't as bubbly and bright as other homes, or that because I am rigid that our home environment doesn't nurture in the most loving way. Sometimes I chalk it up to being a better mother to teenagers or sober individuals, but in reality I need to learn to parent the individual- smaller people need a different kind of love than an 8 year old or a teenager. And so often when I think I've figured out my 3 year old I realised I somehow lost track of my 10 year old... So when I kneel to pray at night, and think of the times I could have paused to comfort a child, or read a book, or show more love, my heart really aches and I am determined to do better the next day... and then find myself in the same position the next evening and the next. 

Even Christ talked about facing hard things, and showed no discouragement but only faith.  In 2 Nephi 7 (my reading tonight) Christ says as he faced physical torment and abuse, that "God would help me", and that the "Lord is near." I know this is true. I know this is why those moments when I feel like I can do better can be masked by discouragement, the tender mercy of chastisement is meant to be a catalyst for change. To deepen our desire to grow closer to the Lord and to be molded into the fantastic beings God intends us to be. He is merciful and patient. And oh, how I am thankful for new days and do overs and 2nd chances and apologies and for repentance. What a joy! I will praise God as Jacob did and say "O how great the goodness of our God."

Writing this has already taken the sting out of the short and emotionally infused bedtime routine that replaced what should have been a lovely quiet evening of bedtime stories and lullabies. Those magical evenings will come and go, and probably be more frequent when Dan is back. Here's to another week of determined and intentional parenting. Wish me luck, or even better, pray for these kiddos.