Our week in photos.

Yesterday was Moses's birthday. There's never been a more excited boy who turned 4. He awoke and yelled "It's my BIRTHDAY!" while coming down the stairs. It makes me feel so middle-aged to think our baby is 4 years old! I remember when Dallin turned 4!

Oh, and Dan's back! He missed a whole bunch of the ordinary and a few exceptional things. The Prophet visited Singapore this week. We were sitting an overflow room on the same floor he was speaking on, so the children waited by the door to to get a peak as the Prophet walks past. I love that they wanted to be so near a prophet of God. We received such good counsel from President Nelson, Elder Christopherson, Elder Meurs and Elder Evans.

Abe is sitting as close to the window with a book with the hope that the Prophet or Elder Anderson will make rounds to the classrooms before going into the chapel.

We also watched the face-2-face event for the new Children and Youth Program. I am so thankful for a living prophet and for revelation! We constantly need to be recalibrating.

A photo of Moses and Ransom having picnic in the car because I can't go anywhere and keep them awake. So we pack picnics and just brave the mess when we get home. 

 The second of two teeth pulled before school!

Conversation with Moses while he eats his first candy cane of the season:

"Mom, candycanes taste like toothpaste."

"Do you like them?"

"No."

Abe and Maeser got caught in a rainstorm on the way home from school and were so soaked it was like they'd climbed out of the pool.

Thanksgiving is 2 days away, we're joining with some friends and Derrick and Julie... I love this holiday.

This girl just got an exemplary on her math test! Almost a perfect score! 

Carolling has begun.

Boycotting Bedtime

I'd say some days get the best of me, but reality is, most of them do! It is 10 pm. I usually read first thing in the morning, but I didn't get to my studies until ALL the kids were in bed tonight.  When I began studying my scriptures today (I began a new system a week ago where I down a question before reading) the question I wrote down turned out to be more of an observation. 

The first thing I wrote was "Finding the courage to try again."  Then, decided to write, "Dismissing discouragement and being resilient."  And then finally, "Am I weary?" 

And the voice in my head shouted, "Yes!"

For today, mostly physically tired. Oh how great it would be to sleep in and not be woken up by anyone or anything. (Especially toddlers who wet the bed or wake at 4:30.) But isn't that every mother's dream? The hard truth is that getting up each day and trying to be a little better than the day before can be exhausting, especially if you feel like your weaknesses creep back in the next day and the next.  I love the part of Elder Ballard's talk from conference when he shared what his evening prayers are like. How he uses the time to reflect on what went on that day and how he could do a little bit better tomorrow. I feel like that ALL. THE. TIME. and it's a balance between feeling the nudge to do better and feeling discouraged. Mary was a great example to me of this this week.

This week Mary had volleyball tryouts. She came home the first day full of excitement, she'd done the math and figured that 66% of the girls would make the team. Mary was certain she was better/taller than 33% of her peers. She came home the 2nd day with news that she'd been cut and her best friend had made the team. After a shower and a few tears she exclaimed, "Well, I'd better start practicing for basketball. I don't want to get cut twice."

This afternoon I overheard Mary and the same friend talking- Mary asked about the practices, what position her friend would be playing, if she was having a good time... and was genuinely interested in the experience Gwyn was having. A few minutes later, Gwyn mentioned that she had been invited to sit in on the devotional with President Nelson Wednesday evening. Again, Mary was fun of enthusiasm for her friend's opportunity and didn't show she was disappointed and missing out on an opportunity. I admire her resilience. Her joy in others and desire to be obedient is something I am so thankful for. 

Something that is hard for me is finding joy in all things. Many things that fill my time are done with a sense of duty, obligation or done with strict obedience (because obedience is love, right?). It sometimes makes me sad to think that our home isn't as bubbly and bright as other homes, or that because I am rigid that our home environment doesn't nurture in the most loving way. Sometimes I chalk it up to being a better mother to teenagers or sober individuals, but in reality I need to learn to parent the individual- smaller people need a different kind of love than an 8 year old or a teenager. And so often when I think I've figured out my 3 year old I realised I somehow lost track of my 10 year old... So when I kneel to pray at night, and think of the times I could have paused to comfort a child, or read a book, or show more love, my heart really aches and I am determined to do better the next day... and then find myself in the same position the next evening and the next. 

Even Christ talked about facing hard things, and showed no discouragement but only faith.  In 2 Nephi 7 (my reading tonight) Christ says as he faced physical torment and abuse, that "God would help me", and that the "Lord is near." I know this is true. I know this is why those moments when I feel like I can do better can be masked by discouragement, the tender mercy of chastisement is meant to be a catalyst for change. To deepen our desire to grow closer to the Lord and to be molded into the fantastic beings God intends us to be. He is merciful and patient. And oh, how I am thankful for new days and do overs and 2nd chances and apologies and for repentance. What a joy! I will praise God as Jacob did and say "O how great the goodness of our God."

Writing this has already taken the sting out of the short and emotionally infused bedtime routine that replaced what should have been a lovely quiet evening of bedtime stories and lullabies. Those magical evenings will come and go, and probably be more frequent when Dan is back. Here's to another week of determined and intentional parenting. Wish me luck, or even better, pray for these kiddos.